Something for You all to THINK...

From the Very beginning of US.. I sensed that this is never going to last long.. I just knew it..

The longest could most probably last for like.. 2MONTHS?
And yea.. I was so right at this..


*I get UPSET when YOU don't even bother to ask who I was talking to on the phone for like an hour..*

*I get really UPSET when I am always the one who asked you out for dinner.. and how many times have you asked me out for dinner? 2 out of 10?*

*I get really UPSET when there is a long pause between us, when one topic is over.. Why can't you try to put something up for us to talk about? And said that I have to learn on bringing topic out for us to talk.. cause I am too quite..?!*

*I get very UPSET at you, when you are sort of toying me.. It confused me a lot that you were so good and close to me today.. and the the next day? You are completely different... Which is totally cold to me..*

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Do you ever see me showing you anger? List me one..

How many times did I showed you my smile?

When I was in your car...

ME :"Your sort of dumping me aren't you..?"
YOU :"No! Not dumping you! It's just that.. I think it would be better for us to be friend.. Good friend!"
ME :"...."
YOU :"Are you okay?"
ME :"Yea.." *Looking outside the windshield.. Trying to avoid any eye contact with YOU*

And I step out of your car, and walk straight to my house's gate without turning my head back.. Locked the gate, threw away my wallet, walked up-stair, grabbed my towel, walked into the bathroom and try to clean myself up.

Mum:" You went to drink..?"
Me :" Yea."
Mum:" What's the matter man.. You looks like some one just stepped on your tail.."
Me :" Not in a good mood.. And that's why I drink.."
Mum:" then tell me.. what happened?"
Me :" Nothing.. I think I am just tired.."
*Walked out of the bathroom, locked my bedroom's door.. and lie on my bed.. Tried so hard to clean out my mind.. But only then I realized how hard it is to stop thinking of something and some one..*

And again.. We met for dinner... and we went back to YOUR place..
And we lie on your bed..

YOU :" Hey, are you alright? You have been so quite since dinner.."
Me :" *SMILE* Yea.. Im good.. Im okay"
YOU :" Er.. Why didn't you ask me why?"
Me :" I... Forgot.. Hehe.. *SMILE*"
YOU :" What the.. So, do you want to know about it.. I've been waiting for you to ask me why on making this decision.. but you doesn't seems like interested on knowing the reason."
Me :" Yea, sure.. Why..?"
YOU :" I didn't actually think that I would be with you or anything.. But it's hard to tell what's gonna happen next.. I've always wanted to find someone who is able to make a decision for me.. and actually care about me and stuff.. "
Me :" *Thinking* Didn't I showed how much I cared? Was that not enough? Guess it is not.. Didn't I helped you on making any possible decision that you were saying..? I guess I didn't.. Never at all.. Failed..*

YOU turned and look at me..

Me :" *SMILE* Yea?"
YOU:" You get what I meant?"
Me :" Ya.. I do.. Of course I do.. *SMILE*"
YOU:" I know you are kind of confused about me.. that Im so hot to you now.. and cold to you the next second.. Are you? Mad at me.? You must be cursing me now right? In your heart."
Me :" *SMILE* No! No..! Why would I curse you? Mad at you.? No! Seriously.. Im not*SMILE*"
YOU:" Are we good? Or do we need to stop seeing each other for some times ? To forget me or something..?"
Me :" Not necessary to do that.. I don't forget about peoples around me.. It'll always be peoples that forgot about me.."

And there is a long pause...

Me :" *Thinking* Should I really get mad about this? This is nothing..! Why should I be like over reacted about this..?"

I gave YOU my last smile and said.. " Im tired.. I need to sleep.."
And I turned my back at YOU.. And I remembered that, I tried to avoid any body contact with YOU that night.. Squeezed myself so far away from YOU.. As we are just friend.. I find that it might be a bit disrespecting YOU, If I am still treating YOU like before..
And it was the longest night ever.. I couldn't sleep at all.. And I slept when the dawn break..

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YOU told me your finger was injured when you accidentally knocked on a cupboard..
I grabbed the first AID box, and get YOU a sticking plaster.. But YOU didn't take it from me.. Instead YOU were showing me YOUR injured finger, and insisted on wanting me on helping YOU to put on the plaster.

And so I did.. And you kissed.

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YOU cut YOUR finger when we were cooking at YOUR place.. I ran and grabbed YOU a sticking plaster.. And asked YOU to use it.. YOU said no.. But I insist on wanting YOU to use it..
And YOU listened.
And I SMILED.

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I used to text YOU around 4.30PM for dinner... And I felt really down when I get replies like this from YOU..
"Cant, dinner with clients tonight.. Might be late" *Forgot on asking me how about my meal?*
"Cant, have to entertain client.. Might be home late"

"Sorry, Can't make it tonight.. have to drink with the boss here.."
"Can't make it tonight.. Dinner with colleagues."
"Sorry there, I have to dine with my customers tonight.. Have your dinner with your mom? Don't wait for me.. Might be late.." *Finally..?*

And I used to reply YOU...
"Oh.. Alright.. It's okay.. "

"No problem man.. I'll take something later when Im hungry.."

"Ow.. Okay.. Enjoy your meal then =) "

And I know YOU have plenty of "happy hour" with YOUR bosses and YOUR client.. Which you need to drink tons of beer or maybe some other alcoholic drinks.
And whenever I tried to tell YOU that..
"Hey, easy there.. Don't drink too much alright.. It's not good for your health.."

And how many times will YOU reply me something which is good to hear? I'll always remember what you text-ed me last time..
"You'll find it hard to reject when you are grown up and started working.. Easier said than done."

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Am I not showing how much I cared? Or does that sounds like I am some kind of busy body? Well, I am sorry if I had behaved like that..
How much DO I need to show.. so that YOU know that I actually cared..? Was that not enough? I guess it was never enough for YOU... Sorry about that.. My bad..
I was never good on being someone who expected me to be...

Whenever YOU asked what to eat, where to dine, which movie to watch, what to do..
"My answer will always be.. Im okay with anything.. You decide, I'll follow."
Does that means that I have nothing in my mind on making a decision? I would say that It is not..
I don't want everything to go by MY WAY.. I am not a selfish person.. I respect YOUR choices..
Did I ever make noises or complain about whatever choices or decision that YOU've made?
I believe that I had never complain nor said anything about any choices YOU made..

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And now, every friends around me.. seems to be asking the same question when they see me alone standing in front of them..
"Hey.. wheres XXX?"
And I would say.. " I don't know.. "
And they would ask.. " What? You don't know? You should know where XXX is ..?"
And I would reply.. " Why should I know where XXX is..?

And one of my friend helped me to answered.. " You all can stop asking him where XXX is already..! He has nothing to do with XXX.. DUH.."

And what else I can say..? Other than..

"Yea.. he is right.. I had nothing to do with XXX.. So I don't really have to know where XXX is, what XXX is doing.. and whatever that has to do with XXX.. *SMILE* "

And this is when I am starting to lose the warmth of your palm..

But we are still friend right..? Aren't we..?